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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

K stands for Kindness

Posted by JM Darhower Tuesday, October 23, 2012, under | 3 comments

AKA Kill Them With It


Kill them. All of them. Every single one. No questions asked. KAH-BOOM.

Okay, okay... not literally.  I'm totally kidding.  I, in no way, shape, or form, condone murder. I'm probably one of the most sensitive and peaceful people you'll ever meet, despite the fact that I often spend hours researching murder and crime (KEY WORD: RESEARCH. FOR MY WRITING. NOT FOR SERIOUS).

Yeah, I should probably shut up while I'm ahead here and end up on some kinda lists...

To my point: Kindness. Spending hours on the internet every week, it sometimes feels like kindness is a rare quality to find in people. Negativity is rampant online, judgement and hatred everywhere you turn, leading to cyber-bullying that quite honestly ruins lives. It's a sad reality, one I wish weren't so, but it is... I'm sure the anonymity has a lot to do with it, the fact that we can express our opinions online without fear of facing ridicule because they aren't attached to us in real life, but it's gone to the extreme. People use it as a platform to hurt others without having to own up to it, thinking it's harmless, thinking it's okay, but it's not. I, for one, can tell you that nameless, faceless insults are just as hurtful as ones said to your face, maybe even more so. At least when someone insults you to your face, you have a chance to truly defend yourself.

I've been targeted before, as I'm sure most of you reading this have. I've seen the lies, the hatred, the flames. I've watched posts on message boards turn from discussing a story to ridiculing the author, critique turning into straight up name-calling. I've seen people spread gossip like it's gospel without regard for how the defamation hurts the parties involved. I've seen the threats that have, more than once, legitimately frightened me. And it used to truly hurt me to the point that I cried, that I didn't want to get out of bed. There were times I had to respond, that I had to post to defend myself, but it only made it worse. It only fueled their anger. It only spread the hate. At the end of the day, those people still don't like me for whatever reason, and they never will, but that's okay. The bullying is NOT okay, the personal threats and slander is NOT okay, but their opinion? They're entitled to it. They can think what they want about it. That's on them and I can't control it.

What I CAN control, though, is myself. I can control my actions and my thoughts. I can't control how it all makes me feel, but I can control how I react to it.

I've learned to avoid--I don't go on message boards much anymore, I avoid certain websites, I tread lightly when on social media. It's easier, not inviting the negativity in, not seeking it out.

But as far as the people involved, the trolls and even the ones who have no qualms signing their name to the flame--I hold no ill will toward them. I wish them luck. I still read their work, admire their talent, hope they aim for the stars. If I passed them on the street, I'd make a point to say hello. Not to be bitchy, not to call them out, but because it's draining being angry. It's exhausting being negative. It's frankly not worth it to hold a grudge. I'd say hello because they're people, they're human, and we all could use a 'hello' sometimes.

Kill them with kindness. It doesn't always work--some people will frankly always spread negativity no matter what--but kindness never hurts. Never. And it feels good, being positive, not carrying that baggage, no trudging through life holding a million grudges. It's like the old saying goes--forgive, but don't forget. I may never be friends with certain people, but I also don't hate them. I can't. Hatred only truly drags down the person who feels it.

I'm a true believer that the world would be a much better place if we all took the time every day for some kindness. Smile at people, say hello, compliment them. It takes all of thirty seconds, but I promise--I fucking PROMISE--it'll make your day much, much better. Focus on the positive, not the negative, no matter what route they choose to take. Don't stoop to their level and never ever ever let them define you. Be you, the beautiful goddamn kind, smart, funny person you are, and not the person others try to make you out to be.

Having said that, now I will retreat back into my writing hole where I kill more people, but not with kindness. With GUNS. AND KNIVES. AND THE MENACING STARE OF A HITMAN NAMED CORRADO MORETTI. MUHAHAHAHA.


3 comments:

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I have this frenemie online. I've never ever said anything bad or hurtful about her or to her.
She didnt like my "gift" that I made for her anonymously in one of the Twi fandom gift exchanges. Thus the badmouthing begun! Just because she didnt like it, because we have different tastes, I deserve to be called names, my talent(read skills) bashed online to others. Even one year later.

I have been witness to Twi fandoms most cruel side...it is ugly. The venom, the backstabbing, the gossip, the putting someone else down...I do not get it.

I thank the heavens daily that I live so far away from the US...I think I would be affraid for my life by now.

I actually imagine Corrado to look exactly like that! ^

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