AKA the first loves of our lives
(this is how us mamas often feel)
In SEMPRE, one of the themes I focus on is the relationship between a parent and a child. It's touched upon in the relationship of Carmine and his father, Vincent, as well as Haven's "relationship" with her "father" Michael (yes, I use those words very loosely here). But the issue is explored deeply when it comes to Carmine and Haven and their mothers. Maura and Miranda gave their all for their children, struggled and sacrificed and never gave up hope, no matter the circumstances. It's because of that love, because of that dedication, that Carmine and Haven grew up to be who they are. With the situations they found themselves in, the cards life dealt them, they could've become vastly different people, but that positive force in their lives from the beginning is what kept the two of them from essentially giving up. Through their grief, through their heartache, they still held on to that person their mothers believed them to be.
I sympathized with Carmine and Haven. To lose that positive force from their lives, to grieve so deeply such a tragic loss... my heart hurt along with theirs. But it wasn't until I'd been there that I truly understood.
As some of you know, I lost my own mother a few months ago after a battle with lung cancer. She fought hard, and she stayed strong, giving us well over a year with her after getting an initial prognosis of only a few months. It was one of the hardest things I've ever been through, and I know she's now in peace, and she's not suffering or struggling, and for that I'm grateful, but losing her was difficult... more difficult than words can say. It's a loss I'll grieve for the rest of my life, a void I'll feel forever. She was my best friend, my inspiration. I've always wanted nothing more than to make her proud.
Needless to say, I get my characters a bit more now. I always knew what they felt, but now I feel it too. It's something you never get over, but something you learn to live with in time.
I'm a mom... and being a mother is a blessing. I wouldn't trade it for anything. And I'll be the best mother I can possibly be. I like to think I learned from one of the greatest.